What I Learned from a Year in Glasses
I called it my “forced social experiment,” but it taught me so much more.
As I shared small pieces of my story over the last year with my eye health - I’ve been asked more and more to share what actually happened! So I’m sharing not only what the last year has looked like, but what I learned from being forced into my glasses for 365+ days.
Here’s what happened…
Summer of 2019 I noticed that there was a bump under one of my eyelids. I figured it was a stye and that it would go away with time. I hadn’t had anything like it since high school, so I wasn’t incredibly concerned, especially since it wasn’t painful or super noticeable when I was wearing makeup.
After a couple… months… it didn’t go away. It didn’t bother me much outside of the fact it was STILL there! So I finally went to see a professional. I was referred to an optometrist who told me what I was experiencing was a chalazion, which simply results from oil build up an eyelid oil duct get blocked. I never knew there were pores on the edges of our eyelids, let alone that they could get blocked and basically form a zit under my eyelid. She gave me a steroid eye cream to use at night to help the oil flow from those ducts and encouraged me to keep my eyes completely clean, no make up, nothing. I had hoped that this quick office trip would be the end of the annoying bump, but it was just the beginning of the trouble I had.
After starting to use the eye cream, I started to develop more bumps, or more chalazions. There weren’t as big… but there were a lot of them, these tiny little bumps under my eyelids, and the edges of my eyelids started to become red and inflamed. I tried again… I saw another optometrist whose best advice was to eat less fat, less chocolate, and up my antioxidant intake… I politely took the info and left the office feeling hopeless (and annoyed about the nutrition advice I’d received after sharing I’m a dietitian *face palm*). It wasn’t until after I could prove to my insurance that seeing an optometrist was not sufficient in solving my eye dilemma that they finally allowed me to schedule an appointment with an ophthalmologist, an eye surgeon, to figure out what was going on. Of course I couldn’t book an appointment any closer than 4 weeks out, so I just had to wait, keep my eyes clean and hope it didn’t get worse.
The weekend before my scheduled appointment I attended a wedding. I had been make-up free for about three months and just wanted to feel “like a person” at this family event. Going without makeup altogether was super difficult for me at first… I felt undone, naked, and simply, just not as pretty. So I got done up, did a full face of makeup for the first time in months and went to the wedding.
I woke up the next day to my eyelids completely swollen. No more contact lenses for me… I was completely freaked out. I didn’t know what was wrong, all I did was wear makeup one time and it seemed to take the situation from mild to extreme overnight. I still had a couple of days until my appointment, so I waited. The next day was even worse. I woke up with my eyes almost completely swollen shut, crusted over… It looked like really bad pink eye, but swollen. I’ll spare you the pictures (check out my reel on IG if you’re interested in that cute moment). It was worse in my right eye, where this all started, but both eyes were definitely affected by whatever was in my makeup that was bugging my system. In true “me” fashion, I washed my face, tried to make my eyes look a little better and went on to work. Working in health care, I am so fortunate to have some amazing friends and coworkers who were generous enough to give me the stellar advice to see a doctor right away (I mean… duh). I went in to see my third optometrist for an emergency, last minute appointment. She told me to keep my ophthalmologist appointment that was now only two days away, but she started me on some eye drops to help with whatever the current infection was.
When I finally made it to the surgeon appointment, we had to start with the problem at hand — this crazy infection. I was put on antibiotics for 90 days to treat it, steroid eye drops (apparently I have an allergy to something in the steroid cream), and another eye drop that I honestly can’t remember why or what for. I was so overwhelmed by this, but there was nothing to do but follow the treatment and let it get better.
Now in glasses full time (I had to get new ones, as my old pair had a super old prescription), no make up and with red, swollen eyes that were painful and dreadful to look at — I honestly didn’t think it could get worse. Fortunately, the treatment worked and the swelling went down, the discharge from my eyes reduced and they were starting to look much better. I went back to see the same surgeon a couple of times for follow ups and ultimately she wanted to excise (cut out) the bumps that I had originally wanted to see her for. It was an in-office procedure that should have been simple, quick and mostly painless. Okay, I’ll spare you the nitty-gritty of this procedure, but basically the surgeon flips your eye lid, makes a cut above the ball of oil in your eyelid, and scoops it out. For me — it was anything but simple, quick, or painless. Thankfully I had brought my husband (who was just as freaked out watching this happen) because it was a terrifying, painful and slightly traumatic as an experience. The numbing injections didn’t work as planned, it took over an hour, and she dug through three of my eye lids… I cried the entire time, blood and tears all over my face, and we still didn’t get everything out. It was 100% worse than I was led to believe. She sent me home with steroid cream in my eyes (remember that allergy? yeah… hellooo swollen eyelids again) and David drove me home. My face burned as the numbing injections wore off and I went home to sleep it off.
I went back for a follow up again, only to be told she wanted to do the whole thing again, but with me put under anesthesia since my last experience was so terrible. I spoke with a plastic surgeon who asked me about injections that might stop the chalazions from coming back, but also had a risk of blindness… It was a hard no on that for me. I was 5 months deep in treating my eyes and I felt like it would honestly never end.
I put off going back… Thought about doing the procedure again, then COVID hit and now here we are. I am still 90% makeup free, have only worn my contacts a handful of times, and my eyes do look better than they have in at least the last year thanks to good skin care and cleaning my face religiously.
Here’s what I learned…
I was devastated to be without makeup and without my contact lenses. I remember first getting contacts in the 6th grade and I haven’t worn my glasses for more than getting ready for bed since then. I was so self conscious about what I looked like without these two pieces of coverup — the makeup to cover or enhance what I actually looked like, and glasses that made me feel I wasn’t trying, or didn’t look my best. After months of being without both of these crutches, when I finally wore makeup, finally put my contacts back in… I didn’t like how I looked any more than I had 5 minutes before. I had a HUGE “ah-ha” moment around my perception of myself, and that the makeup I thought made me so much more beautiful, actually didn’t… at least not to my own eye. It was then I realized I needed to come to peace with my natural self and that if I didn’t find beauty within myself, I would never see it, always thinking I needed more X or Z to finally be pretty enough. The pandemic probably kept me makeup free longer than I would have since I wear an N95 mask at work all day, but I am so much more comfortable in my ACTUAL skin now. I don’t think as much about facial flaws, I don’t stress over covered up every bit of my look, and I feel confident in how I look *au natural*.
Eye health is everything. I have been told my whole life that I have beautiful eyes… so to have the ONE THING I felt confident in go sour felt world-shattering. I took for granted how little I did to maintain my eye health. I was barely washing my face, slept in makeup frequently (I knowwwww), and just didn’t pay much attention. Our eyes are two in a million… we don’t get a backup set. When I was facing potential permanent damage to my vision (I already have super poor vision) and worse, even blindness, it was another wake up call for me to clean up my act around my eye and skin care. I am very intentional and mindful around what I put in my body, and I needed to reflect those values to how I treated the outside of my body as well. I still haven’t really invested in makeup yet… or at least eye make up, and I am carefully shopping and trying samples before buying something. I want to make sure I am getting high quality, clean product that will keep my eyes happy. I’ve also gotten into a skin care groove as well! I mean it’s about time, but I am loving it! My mini-skincare routines in the morning and before bed are minimal, but effective. I am much more careful about clean skin, cleaner products and treating it as self care.
There were a lot of other little lessons learned, moments of personal growth and moments of enlightenment in between, like…
Warby Parker is THEE place to shop for glasses! Not only did I pick out frames that made me feel confident and comfortable, but they were delivered in days and didn’t break the bank.
No one cares if I wear contacts or make up or not! It was a bigger deal to me than it was anyone else, including my husband.
Self care is more important than we give credit.
It’s possible to workout in glasses.
Slowing down is so important.
I hope in sharing this you can connect, reflect or make peace with the struggles you might be experiencing, similar or not. Everything happens for a reason, and my silver lining here is that I am more present, aware and put way more into taking care of myself than I ever have. I needed a year to slow down, and this built it for me.
Sending love and light to you. Thank you for listening to my story.
xx,
mallory